How often do we pay attention to other people's opinions? Yes, almost always. It is very rare to meet a person for whom conversations about him on the side would go unnoticed. It’s just that most people try not to show it, but in their hearts they worry. The opinion on the side can be different - positive or negative. In the first case, of course, pleasant sensations arise. Everyone wants to be liked by others. But in the second case, grief, anger, and sometimes hatred immediately arises.

So, is it possible to overcome dependence on other people’s opinions? For what reasons does one pay attention to rumors, advice and conversations, while the other really doesn’t care? Did he simply decide to ignore the ratings of strangers? How can you not care about other people's ratings?

How to stop depending on other people's opinions

Most of us depend on the opinions of others and try to live so that no one judges, scolds or whispers behind our backs. But we always try to deny this kind of dependence, not pay attention and assert: “Yes, I meant their conversations!”, “Let them tell themselves, I don’t care,” etc. But in reality everything is completely different. We carefully monitor who says what about us. And if we hear unpleasant things, then naturally we get upset. According to psychologists, most often the opinion of others “hurts” people with a depressed sense of “I”, who pay more attention to outside conversations, advice, etc.

When addiction occurs

It is not difficult to agree that dependence on the assessment of strangers occurs in people with weak character and will. Such types, as a rule, are not able to gain self-confidence, make decisions, or take responsibility for actions and words. They are easily influenced by strangers - more strong-willed, stronger, more decisive. But everything would be fine if such exposure did not affect a person’s quality of life.

A person loses his “I”. Many people have encountered this situation. If not from their own, then from the example of others, they noticed that a person cannot show his character, express his own opinion under the pressure of external circumstances, that is, the opinions of strangers. All this leads to the fact that the individual is practically unable to build his life based on his own plans and intentions.
Having submitted once, twice, three times to the assessment and advice of others, a person ceases to rely only on his own preferences. Out of habit, he waits for what others will say and cannot do anything without someone else’s opinion. That is, everyone around him directs him to the very “true path,” but without their opinion he simply wanders in the dark.
Parents' opinions are law! From childhood, the child could not make independent decisions; his father and mother did everything for him. That is, from childhood they are attached to the assessment of others, but cannot learn to draw their own conclusions, since they are not able to contradict adults. The same applies to other family members - older brother, sister, aunt, uncle, etc.
Peer pressure. When entering kindergarten, a child who is indecisive and subject to pressure from parents immediately falls under the influence of his peers. Next is school - here children are dominated not only by the opinion of authority, but also by the majority. If a group of girls indicated that this dress or shoes did not suit her, the child was worried. Further, having received a number of comments, ridicule, and injections, the child cannot do anything without the advice of strangers and their opinions. And the thoughts that arise in your head can be pushed aside, it’s easier to agree with the majority.
The opinion of the majority, the desire to be like everyone else. This type of addiction also occurs when a child enters society. In a class, a group, those who were in the minority have a hard time. And where the majority is concentrated, they shut it down; this is not news to anyone. So you can give up your own assessment and opinion and agree with the majority.
Fear of responsibility. Quite often we are ready to agree with the advice and assessments of others, so as not to be responsible for the actions that we carry out on our own initiative. Well, why not? So, if the matter ends in a negative result, an unpleasant situation will arise. It’s easier to blame someone who gave bad advice or expressed their opinion. How often do we hear: “Why did you advise me to do this?!”, “Why did I listen to you, it would be better to act at my own discretion!” etc. Agree, a very convenient position - nowhere, never, and not to blame for anything!

Those who depend too much on the opinions of others have... He is absolutely not confident in his abilities and, remarkably, suffers from this. Because of their own insecurity, they are not able to advance in their careers, achieve good results and implement their plans.

Important: according to experts, you can be a slave not only physically, but also psychologically. It is people who are dependent on other people's opinions who are not the masters of their lives. And every now and then they turn around to see how outsiders will look or what they will say when assessing his actions.

Gullibility. It would seem that this is a very positive character trait. But you shouldn’t blindly trust everyone; should you always accept someone else’s opinion as the truth? This is especially dangerous if the advice is given by envious people. Before you listen to the opinion of a friend who has no personal happiness. Who does not stand out for her beautiful appearance or cannot boast of having the same expensive things - think about why she would wish you well. Human envy is a character trait that is inherent in almost everyone without exception. It’s just that, depending on social status, wealth, position and external data, it does not manifest itself in some, while it suffocates others at night.

Is someone else's opinion always bad?

There is no person in the world whose dependence on other people’s opinions was absorbed with his mother’s milk. In fact, everyone is born a pure, independent person, whose future is built during childhood. But each of us must more or less correspond to the society in which he finds himself. And of course, you can’t ignore people’s opinions at all. A lot depends on this.

Just imagine a person who does not pay any attention to the reactions of others and, because of the extreme heat, decides to walk through the streets naked. Agree – this is a very ugly situation. Or a man on public transport doesn’t give a damn about the fact that a woman is standing next to him, but he sits and “doesn’t give a damn.” So an outside opinion is not always a bad thing.

Consider a very instructive story about how a young girl did not want to listen to the advice of her mother and friends.

“Natalia grew up in a large family, she had 3 older brothers. From childhood, she grew up as a sickly child and had little contact with her classmates. At school, communication was normal and close, but as for walks and entertainment, this is not about Natasha.

So she graduated from 11th grade and began preparing to enter the university. One day, after finishing the preparatory courses, when she was riding the bus home with a friend, they met Volodya. The guy was about 5-7 years older. He immediately liked the pretty Natalya, and he immediately began to “dodge” her. But the girl was adamant, she didn’t particularly like the young man. But Vova did not let up, he literally surrounded her with courtship, and every evening he waited on the bench at the entrance.

All this happened in the late 80s, then there were no mobile phones or the Internet, and he could not contact her at a distance. So, Natasha held out for a long time, but still “collapsed” under the pressure of the caring and loving Volodya. But the trouble is that her ignorance, ignorance of people played a cruel joke on her. She didn’t know what kind of person he was, and she became seriously interested in him.

And when they began to tell her from all sides that Vladimir was a true scoundrel, a terrible womanizer and a quitter, she no longer listened to anyone. The girl felt male affection for the first time and completely immersed herself in the relationship. Less than a couple of weeks after the adult close contact, Vova began to lose interest in Natalya.

And something happened that all girls, without exception, are afraid of. Having become the first man of young Natasha, Vova left her and continued to have fun in the company of unbridled girls and drink lovers. But our heroine suffered for a long time and did not know why she should live now. Fortunately, time heals, but it is impossible to completely get rid of the negative aftertaste. So is Natalya, she very rarely remembers this story. But as soon as she “pops up in her head,” she immediately feels shame, unpleasant emotions, and even more, a feeling of disgust towards this person.”

What is the story about, does anyone understand? It was about the need to listen to the opinions of others. I must say honestly, the heroine may have already understood that there is some truth in the assessment of outsiders. But she still hoped that he wouldn’t do that to her. So there are also situations in which someone else's opinion is important.

It is necessary to listen to the advice of strangers from childhood. After all, few children can immediately distinguish what is good and what is bad. For example, a baby throws porridge. What a parent should do is a remark. But not rudely, not in an orderly tone. Parents must explain and help the child understand what not to do.

Reasons for the development of addiction

We already know that an inferiority complex, low self-esteem, and inability to take responsibility and make decisions arise from an early age. All this is built and developed against the background of family. If it is unfavorable, then there will be more disadvantages.

Caring, trusting and harmonious relationships, the presence of love for each family member is an excellent platform. On which a strong, optimistic, respectful and friendly character of a person will be built. Therefore, to prevent a child from growing up dependent on other people’s opinions, it is necessary to eliminate the following signs:

Weak character. Types with this disadvantage are always more susceptible to external influence.
A person has already formed a driven nature, and he is ready to listen to others, just not to take responsibility.
From childhood, the child was suppressed by his parents. He could not do anything himself; initiatives were suppressed immediately. So, with age, a person no longer strives to direct his life, make decisions or take initiative.
Lack of perception of one's abilities and talents. In such cases, a person cannot defend his interests, because he is afraid of condemnation from the outside and withdraws into himself.
To make up for the lack of love and care from parents, the child is ready to fully comply with the opinion of an outsider and waits for his approval. So, he wants to feel that he means at least something in this life. Later, as an adult, he is ready to indulge in the assessment and advice of those from whom he expects recognition, kindness and love.
Education against the backdrop of stereotypes. Let's remember why our parents praised us? We ate well, washed thoroughly, flushed the toilet, washed our hands, etc. And listening to praise for all this, a stereotype developed in us - we are afraid of doing something wrong without someone’s recognition from the outside. So we are guided by someone else’s opinion, but we perceive it as correct.

So, we see that assessments and advice from the outside, someone else’s opinion, is a completely different or the same vision of the situation. In what cases should you pay attention to it, and when should you not? It all depends on the person, the situation and your assessment.

What are the signs of a person dependent on other people's opinions?

It is not difficult to identify someone who does not live by his own mind; just carefully study his habits.

Before doing anything, a person must think about how those around him will perceive his action.
When he hears criticism from the outside, condemnation of his actions, he immediately becomes despondent, becomes very nervous, suffers, and feels that his pride is very hurt.
Such a person is very afraid of being in the “language” of others and strives to do everything so that no one finds out about his misdeeds.
His actions are aimed at gaining approval and praise from others. And regardless of age.
When his efforts are not appreciated, discomfort and emotional distress arise.
Even if a great idea arises in his thoughts, he keeps it “to himself,” but welcomes someone else’s.
He never participates in discussions and will never defend his own point of view.

Particular mention should be made of girls with a complete lack of their own assessments. Pay attention to how she dresses. If, following a cool and stylish friend, she immediately decided to buy the same blouse, then there is a lack of her own opinion. She imitates. It's the same with vacation trips. The dependent friend will repeat her actions in everything. And it doesn’t have to be what it is, she just completely trusts her taste and opinion.

By constantly listening to the opinions of strangers, you can completely lose not only your own “I”, but also the meaning of life. There is no need to strive for anything, all that remains is to listen with your mouth open to who will say what for you. This is natural slavery, as we have already talked about. Do you need it? No! Well, let's get down to it: it's time to throw off this unnecessary burden that's pulling you down.

How to get rid of dependence on other people's opinions

The main thing is to start working with the child’s character from an early age. Here are some tips for parents. After all, they are the ones who are responsible for his future. And if, thanks to their “efforts,” they raised a mumbler, unable to defend his own and everywhere worried about the opinions of others, then they did their job poorly. Yes, yes! Precisely work, because our task is to create conditions for the happiness of our offspring. And a person dependent on other people’s assessments is unhappy.

Never blackmail a child. And don’t even think about saying that you won’t listen to his poetry if he doesn’t eat porridge, etc.
Do not refuse to listen to his opinion, even if it is wrong. It's okay, with age the baby will get smarter and say more intelligible things. Let him regularly tell you his stories, admire, be indignant, be indignant or rejoice - all this is great. He shows his own emotions, and you, listening to his story, increase his self-esteem.
Share your opinion with your child; he should be able not only to speak, but also to listen.
Give your baby as much love as possible. No, that's wrong! Just love - sincerely, the way only your own mother and father can love. Let him grow up in complete safety, care, harmony. This is the only way you can instill confidence in him.
Be an example for your child in everything. Never swear in front of him and be sure to discuss family issues, reason, and make a common decision.
Don't let your child do whatever he wants. Everyone should know that only good, thoughtful actions are valuable.

To get rid of the annoying feeling that you are completely dependent on other people's opinions, follow the proven recommendations of experienced psychologists.

Be observant and watch yourself and your actions. Analyze each thought in detail and separate the bad from the good. And think about where the negativity came from. Once you find the source, you will be able to understand its reasons.

Don't be afraid to be alone because you don't support someone's assessment. If they respect you, they will communicate with you, and for this you need to have your own and independent opinion. If it doesn’t work out, learn to find benefits from solitude. Everyone needs to be prepared for the possibility that a moment of loneliness may arise. And if you don’t learn to experience it with dignity, the consequences will be terrible.

Decide on your preferences. You cannot live your whole life only for another person or in agreement with someone else’s opinion. Such people are unable to imagine their own perspective. Stop watching how others achieve their goals, it’s time to implement what you have conceived and decided on your own.

Do not listen to other people's opinions, especially from envious people, rivals and competitors. It's not safe! Trust only your loved ones and family.

Give vent to your emotions periodically. We all tend to accumulate pain, resentment, aggression, negativity, etc. within ourselves. Don’t keep them to yourself, none of us are “wooden” and no one is able to withstand the onslaught of internal negativity. Spill them out! Of course, we are not talking about pouncing on someone and taking out your anger on them. As soon as you get rid of poor balance using training and other accessible and harmless methods, you will immediately feel light.

Set boundaries. If you know the line beyond which you should not cross, then it will be much easier for a person to defend his position. And have your own opinion on everything. If you feel unsteady, your position is weak. In order to get rid of it, think about your actions. And carefully analyze what you decided to do, what you decided to talk about, etc.

Don't be captivated by illusions. You should never assume that your counterpart is an ideal person and his opinion is the ultimate truth. This doesn’t happen, even great minds tend to make mistakes. So you shouldn’t rely in everything on someone you respect, value, and honor. Everything needs to be weighed in detail, listen to different points of view, listen to your own and make a decision.

What society says

Considering the fact that our world is full of people with different morals and characters, no one is surprised by anything anymore. You can be dependent on other people’s opinions, or, on the contrary, dictate your own; in any case, this is considered the norm. If you are worried about what others will think of you, forget it. But as for how someone else’s opinion influences the construction of your destiny, then you still need to think about whether this quality is appropriate for a promising future? Of course not - you must develop yourself, increase your self-esteem, pose your own questions and find answers to them. Otherwise, others will live your life for you, and you will only have to follow someone else’s advice and please other people’s opinions.

Good day to you, dear readers! Perhaps many people have one strange and illogical quality - other people’s opinions are important to them. Other people's approval is important. It's important to please everyone. And you can’t even imagine how this quality complicates life!

This global belief “I need the approval of others” is embedded very deeply in us. And the more we believe in it, the heavier our load. Pointless cargo! How not to depend on the opinions of others?

What's wrong with that?

There's nothing wrong with liking someone. But if you try to please someone, if you need approval, you put yourself in chains.

The thirst for approval causes something like the following in a person:

we do not accept that part of ourselves that others may not like, we increase internal conflict, we move away from ourselves instead of studying;
we don't allow ourselves to be sincere. We cannot build sincere relationships. We’re just trying to present ourselves better. In such relationships there is little intimacy, little joy;
we can do something to our detriment for the approval of others;
we are ready to neglect our values for the sake of others;
we cannot stand criticism, we become very touchy;
we spend too much energy communicating with strangers;
we carry with us the fear of not being liked by another person, the burden of disappointments and unfulfilled hopes;
since it is very difficult to please everyone all the time, your self-esteem is always under attack;
you make your happiness dependent on other people.

Of course, some people have a stronger desire for approval, while others have a weaker one. And all these symptoms may or may not be vivid. But in any case, these are unpleasant symptoms.

People often come to me with similar requests. Therefore, I want to offer you one of the good options for working on this topic, to show how you can let go of this belief on your own. It’s not a fact that it will go away completely, but at least it should get easier!

Removing false belief

So, first answer this question: why is it important for you to be approved? Why do you need to please everyone?

One way or another, you will come to the conclusion that this is necessary to be happy. We all ultimately want to be happy. And for example, I’ll take the belief “I need the approval of others to be happy.” You can change this phrase a little as you want. How do you feel? But I will analyze this particular example as the most illustrative.

Attention! Do not read this article just for information. Read - and do it right away! Don't move on to the second step without working through the first. And so on.

If you first read everything to the end and then decide to do it, this will reduce the effect. To complete the exercise you will need only 5-7 minutes. You can take long breaks between steps. This is fine. But don't start the next step without working on the previous one.

First step

Ask yourself objectively: is this true? Is it true that you need the approval of others to be happy? Is it true that you can't be happy if no one likes you?

Take your time. Think objectively. Let your experience tell you that this is true, but answer yourself honestly... Can you know for sure that happiness is impossible without the approval of others? Can you really know what is the essential element of happiness?

Answer only “yes” or “no”. Without any “buts” and “maybes”. Only “yes” or “no”. And answer honestly, objectively! You want to know the truth, right?

Second step

Now imagine in every detail how you live when you believe this crazy thought, “I need the approval of others to be happy.”

How do you communicate with others when you are craving approval? How do you behave among friends or strangers when you are sure that everyone needs to like you? How do you react to children’s public tantrums, to your appearance, to something else when other people’s approval is important to you?

How do you perceive criticism addressed to you? How do you feel before visiting unfamiliar places and meeting new people? How does this affect your relationships, your self-confidence, your well-being and your happiness?

And what happens if suddenly someone doesn’t like you? What if someone doesn't approve of you? What are you experiencing? How are you behaving? How is your condition changing? How does your bad state affect the rest of your day?

The better you feel this, the more powerful the effect of the exercise will be.

Third step

Now try to imagine how you would live if you didn’t have the thought “I need the approval of others to be happy.” Just try to imagine what it would be like if you didn't have to please everyone. If only I didn't have to earn someone's approval.

Don't try to dismiss this thought. Just imagine. If...

Imagine that you communicate with people, but you do not feel that they need to like you in order to be happy. How would you feel? How would you communicate? Would it be easier for you? Could you become more sincere?

Perhaps, without the thought of needing someone else's approval, communication would give you more joy? Perhaps, without the desire to please others, you would radically change your life, your activities, your principles? Feel it... What would happen if you forgot how to think, “I need the approval of others to be happy”? What if it became as absurd to you as “I need to become president to be happy?”

Would it be easier for you to hear yourself? Love yourself? To be in harmony with yourself?

Imagine if you were disapproved of, but you didn't have the idea that you needed the approval of others to be happy... How would you feel?

Try to feel all this in as much detail as possible... If you didn’t have this crazy thought “I need the approval of others to be happy”... Would your life be easier, freer, more joyful? Would you be happier without wanting to please everyone?

Fourth step

And now that you have really felt all this, not speculatively, but thoroughly realized and felt it... You can draw a logical conclusion.

If you did everything right, you had a good feeling that without the thought “I need the approval of others to be happy,” you would be much happier.

So... Look what happens! You believe in a completely crazy thought, which is not true, which ruins your life... But the opposite statement is true! Which one do you think?

“To be happy, I need the disapproval of others” or “To be happy, I need not everyone to like me.”

Once again... You don't need the approval of others to be happy. On the contrary, you will benefit from being disapproved of. And it will be better for you if everyone doesn't like you... Why do you think? Give yourself a minute. Can you explain yourself why everything is this way?

You just felt that when you try to please everyone, you are much more unhappy than when you don't try to please everyone. Because you don’t need the approval of others to be happy. You are much happier when you are in touch with yourself. In order to be happy, you must like yourself. You must love yourself and accept yourself. Can you feel it?

And when you are in touch with yourself, don’t hide your shortcomings, don’t try to please everyone, openly express your position... Someone may not like you. It is impossible to please everyone while remaining yourself! It is impossible to gain the approval of all people without adapting like a chameleon!

And even if you manage to please all people... You will be unhappy, because for this you will have to betray yourself, give up sincerity and think a lot about what impression you will make.

And if you give up the idea of winning everyone's approval, not everyone will like you. Perhaps you will become inconvenient for someone. Sometimes you won't be approved. However... You will be happier.

So I will repeat it again. “To be happy, I need to be liked by everyone around me” is a blatant, absolute lie. This lie prevents you from being happy. But the truth is the opposite. “To be happy, not everyone around me needs to like me. I need to like myself."

Homework

To help you fully understand all of the above, I suggest this exercise. Repeat step three regularly. Visualize how you would live if you didn’t have the idea of earning someone’s approval. And slowly get used to this role. When communicating with people, ask yourself: “What if I didn’t think that other people’s approval would affect my happiness?” And gradually act like this, gradually try it on yourself. This task is not for one day. But it can seriously change the way you perceive other people.

And the most interesting thing... Without the desire to be liked, we can build real relationships. Only there will there be sincere close relationships. And this is so wonderful!

Hi all. Today I decided to write a lengthy article about dependence on other people’s opinions and how you can get rid of it. Dependence on other people's opinions is the basis. It mainly manifests itself in an unhealthy fear of negative assessments from others. I mentioned the word “unhealthy” for a reason, since almost all people are, to one degree or another, dependent on the opinions of others. It’s just that in our case this addiction becomes so huge that it begins to poison all aspects of our lives. In my opinion, the basis of dependence on other people’s opinions are negative attitudes (), which throughout our lives went deeper and deeper into our subconscious. For example, in kindergarten, for some reason, you were exposed, and now you will, by default, be wary of any new team. That is, you subconsciously transfer your negative experience to similar situations. The irrational thought here can be formulated as follows: “I am sure that people will perceive me negatively.” But in fact, this idea is not supported by anything, there is no reason to believe that people will immediately begin to bully you. Our task is to pull these thoughts out and replace them with rational ones (those that correspond to reality).

I have divided this article into 2 parts. In the first part, I will give a couple of typical situations that you can find yourself in, and I will also give you the most common irrational thoughts that arise during these situations. In the second part of the article we will talk about more global things. I will tell you how I managed to significantly reduce my dependence on other people’s opinions by rethinking some things in my life.

Thoughts that form dependence on other people's opinions

Let's try to imagine a few unpleasant situations that you might find yourself in. We will also compare the reaction of a social phobia and a normal person and find negative attitudes that are absent in ordinary people.

Situation No. 1 (Social phobe).

Let's imagine the following situation. You saw a cute girl on the street that you really liked. In your dreams, you already imagine how great you are having a great time with her. And, finally, having mustered up the courage, you approach her and try to get to know her, but she turns you off. Immediately after this, a storm of thoughts and emotions covers you. “I’m probably too ugly,” “I’ll never find a girlfriend,” etc. In a word, you will be wildly depressed and now it is unknown when you will decide again, if at all.

Situation No. 1 (Ordinary person).

How would an ordinary person react to this situation? Definitely, this refusal is unlikely to hurt him much, and he will not dwell on this unpleasant situation, since there are plenty of other girls around. But why is the reaction of a social phobia different from the reaction of an ordinary person? As I have repeatedly repeated, the matter is in subconscious negative attitudes acquired throughout life. In the above situation, several attitudes can be identified that trigger the mechanism of catastrophic thinking.

Everyone should love me and approve of what I do

Probably the most common negative attitude. A lot has been said on this topic and I don’t want to repeat myself, but I’ll still give a brief summary.

Firstly, the desire to please everyone indicates that you do not have your own opinion. In this case, you need to clearly define your position in life and rethink your life values. The second part of the article should help you with this a little.

Secondly, it is impossible to please everyone, even in theory. No matter how hard you try to earn positive assessments from everyone around you, it still won’t work, since everyone has different views on what kind of person you should be.

Third, realize that people who try to please everyone actually only annoy others with their behavior. In my experience, I have noticed that these are the people who most often become... Therefore, try to follow only your needs and rely on your inner perception of the world. You can listen to other people's opinions, but you need to treat them critically. Here's a little parable on the topic:

One man asked Socrates:

– Do you know what your friend told me about you?
“Wait,” Socrates stopped him, “first sift what you are going to say through three sieves.”
- Three sieves?
– Before you say anything, you need to sift it three times. First through the sieve of truth. Are you sure this is true?
- No, I just heard it.
“So you don’t know if it’s true or not.” Then we will sift through the second sieve - the sieve of kindness. Do you want to say something good about my friend?
- No, on the contrary.
“So,” Socrates continued, “you’re going to say something bad about him, but you’re not even sure that it’s true.” Let's try the third sieve - the sieve of benefit. Do I really need to hear what you have to say?
- No, this is not necessary.
“So,” concluded Socrates, “there is no truth, no kindness, no benefit in what you want to say.” Why talk then?

It's terrible when something doesn't turn out the way you want.

For a social phobe, this failure with a girl will only bring a feeling of oppression. And any failures in general only demotivate him and he loses all desire to correct the situation. But in fact, there is no point in being killed by your failures. Now I'll tell you why.

First, your failure is an opportunity to reconsider the situation, find mistakes, correct them and make a more successful attempt. Failures make a person stronger, although this only applies to those people who perceive failures as a challenge. If you are one of those who whine after every failure, then remember that even the most unimaginable problem has a solution. I've had many moments in my life when it seemed like things couldn't get any worse. But the worst thing that can happen in such situations is to lose faith that everything can be changed. Life is a very unpredictable thing, I have seen this for myself. And literally in a year or two your life can change beyond recognition.

Below, I would like to quote a comment that was left on this site. The highlighted sentences simply perfectly describe what I am trying to convey to you.

I'm an addict who hasn't used drugs for two years. The first year I struggled with myself, overcame physiological addiction. Now I’m trying to heal myself and look at life differently. I can’t say that I’m good at it, but there is progress from time to time. The most important thing is to try! And there will definitely come a moment when there will be a glimpse, a small flash of what happened! This is the most important thing! Just remember it and that's it! Now you know that sometimes it’s good that it can be repeated.

Secondly, you should not be upset by failures, since you have the opportunity to fix everything. For example, I worried for a very long time that I couldn’t. And I was very worried. But a few years passed and I succeeded. Some more time passed and my problems with girls became a thing of the past. But at the same time, such moments as the first date, the first kiss, etc. remain in the past. I remember these events with trepidation and understand that they will never be repeated. People are constantly in a hurry to go to school, go to university, find a job, a girlfriend, etc. Goals are achieved and life flies by very quickly. It's good, of course, to look back at the end of your life and see what you've achieved, but it's much better to look forward and know that it's all yet to come. Your advantage is that you have it all ahead of you, despite all your problems that are currently preventing you from achieving your plans. Just remind yourself of this. Any problem can be solved, but you can’t turn back time.

Thirdly, every person's life consists of ups and downs. Being happy all the time won't work anyway. And if it seems to you that you are so unhappy, and everyone is doing great, then this is far from the case. Even the smartest, most beautiful and successful people have their own problems that may not be visible to you. And they are invisible to you only because you are projecting your problems onto this person. For example, you are not gifted with outstanding external data. When you meet a handsome person, you think something like: “Damn, he’s so handsome, he definitely doesn’t have any problems with girls. I want to be like that too.” But the point is that for this handsome guy, attractive appearance has long been commonplace and he does not experience any euphoria about it.

Other irrational thoughts

Situation No. 2 (Social phobe).

Let's move on to the next situation. Again, you gathered your courage and decided to go to the club, ordered yourself a cocktail, but suddenly someone accidentally pushed you and you poured everything on yourself. You'll probably blush, mutter something incomprehensible, and think that everyone thought you were a loser.

Situation No. 2 (Ordinary person).

For the average person, this situation may cause anger rather than shame. He won't dwell on it and will soon forget about the incident because he knows that people don't form negative opinions about him based on the situation alone. Here is the entire list of negative attitudes that arise in a social phobe in this situation:

1. People will form a negative opinion of me based on this incident.

2. This incident will overshadow all the positive aspects of my personality.

3. Everyone will reject me because of this incident.

I will not describe them in detail, since I have already done this in.

First, you will notice that not many people will pay attention to you. Most people simply won't care.

Secondly, let’s imagine the most terrible outcome, if you receive any negative reaction from others, then you will understand that it is not as scary as you thought. Also, think logically. Why do you care about a complete stranger? This is a question you should always ask yourself when you encounter similar situations.

And thirdly, I personally am only spurred on by situations when someone looks askance or says something negative in my direction. In this case, I conclude that this person is one-sided in his thinking, who is ready to call me a fool just because of my strange clothes or something else.

Dependence on the opinions of others through the prism of life and death

Now let's move on to the second part, which will make you look at your life differently.

Even as a teenager, I was periodically visited by questions about what would happen after death. My mother is a believer, and therefore, from childhood, I was instilled with the position that the Almighty exists and after death everyone will go to heaven or hell, depending on how you lived your life. For a long time I lived and believed that this was so. But as I got older, I began to think more critically and rationally. Religion began to seem to me like a refuge for those who are afraid to face the truth. By truth I mean what really awaits us after death. Do you want to know the truth? In reality there is nothing after death. No matter how sad it may sound, this is the most likely option of all possible. And there is not a single sane evidence that this is not so. Death is easy to imagine, just remember any night when you didn’t dream of anything or try to imagine what happened before you were born. I, of course, admit the possibility that there is still something after death, and perhaps it turns out that there is heaven and hell, but the probability of this offhand is 0.00001%. You can remove or add a couple of zeros as you like.

Thus, if there is nothing after death, then what is our life like? And it represents a certain segment, which, as a rule, begins by chance and also ends by chance. And the length of this segment essentially does not depend on us. Our life can end at any moment for a reason completely beyond our control. You can exercise, eat healthy foods, and so on, but this is not a guarantee that you won’t suddenly be diagnosed with cancer or something else. Or you can drink, smoke and live until old age. Of course, a healthy lifestyle increases your likelihood of growing old, but I think this likelihood is overestimated.

So what is the meaning of life then? The answer is again simple - there is none. More precisely, it does not exist in the understanding that we live life for the sake of some higher goal that awaits us after death. But it exists while we are alive and this meaning is different for everyone.

Now let's combine all of the above. Life ends as accidentally as it begins. There are about 7 billion people on our planet and they will all die eventually. You will die too. 100-150 years will pass and no traces of your existence will remain on earth. You will simply disappear in time. Now imagine how many such people were there before you? How long has our planet existed and how many people have lived on it in total? There is something to think about. Feel your insignificance in this world.

Why do you think I wrote all this? Now think again about your problem. Do you worry about what others might think of you? Now do you understand that all this is absolutely unimportant? Any problem in this situation will seem trivial. I hope you were able to understand this at least a little.

Well, that's all I have for today. Good luck.

“What will others think of me?!”, if this thought haunts every action? First, remember about yourself!

Everyone wants to be loved and is afraid of being rejected. This is fine. But sometimes others' opinions becomes so important that it crowds out one’s own desires. A person acts contrary to his interests, changes his decisions, if only those around him approve of his behavior. In this case, we are not talking about a natural need for love and recognition, but about real dependence.

And this is what happens if you put first

Someone else's opinion

When someone else's opinion comes to the fore and overshadows one’s own, feelings and emotions seem to be bound in chains. There is a fear of saying and doing something “wrong.” And without noticing it,person who depends on other people's opinions, transmits managing your life to other people.

This negatively affects many areas of life:

The desire for recognition and approval in itself is natural. But, turning into addiction, it makes a person unhappy. Every time he needs an increasing “dose” of approval. And as a result, the need will never be fully satisfied.

Dependence on other people's opinions

The desire for love and approval, the fear of rejection are normal until they turn into...dependence on other people's opinions. How to identify it and why is it harmful?

To get started, answer the following questions honestly:

Do you change your behavior depending on the situation and environment?
Do you find it difficult to make everyday decisions?
Do you do things you don't like just so you don't "stand out"?
Is it difficult for you to understand what you really want?
Do you keep your opinions to yourself for fear of other people's judgment?
Have you already thought abouthow to stop being afraid of other people's opinions?

If you answered yes to most questions, then you are dependent on the assessment of others. What does this mean?

Loss of control over self-esteem and confidence. You are only happy when others approve of your actions. But you can’t influence other people’s assessments. The boss had a fight with his wife in the morning, and then “flunked” your presentation without even really watching it. It's a relief for him, and your self-esteem instantly drops below the baseboard.
Regular violation of personal boundaries. Dependence on other people's opinionsaccompanied by an inability to say “no”. The thought constantly spins in my head: “If I refuse, then they won’t love me.” Therefore, you agree to additional work, comply with inconvenient requests and silently “swallow” grievances.
Constant dissatisfaction. By conforming to other people's interests, you feel unhappy, depressed, and without your own self. We are no longer talking about any happiness or a sense of freedom. In addition to yourself, you are dissatisfied with those around you. After all, they “don’t love” you, violate your boundaries, and your happiness depends on their assessment.

How not to depend on other people's opinions

To don't depend on other people's opinions, realize that you are not responsible for him. If others like your actions, great. And if not, then it's not your fault.

Dependence on other people's opinions

This realization does not come immediately. After all, you didn’t know for a long timehow not to react to other people's opinions.Allow yourself to move towards your goal gradually and praise each achievement. To get the process going, start with simple but effective steps:

Try something new. Most often, the fear of not receiving approval from others coexists with the fear of change. Buy yourself a new jacket that “your mom definitely wouldn’t like,” but suits you very well. Spend the weekend at home with a book instead of the usual trips to a cafe with friends, which you agree to for fear of offending them.
Start approving yourself. Write a list of qualities that you like about yourself. Look into it more often and show these qualities at every opportunity. Let them be the “vane” of your self-esteem, and not the opinions of other people.
Accept your fears. The fear of not liking someone is absolutely normal. What will actually happen if someone thinks badly of you? Nothing! The world will not end. Accept this and allow yourself to feel fear and anxiety. But at the same time, do what you want, and not what others will like.

By taking these steps, you will shift your focus to what you personally can control. Self-esteem and self-respect will be in your hands again!

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Society is structured in such a way that people must adhere to general rules. If one person does something differently than others are used to, he is judged, and this is unpleasant. But still, each of us should feel freedom, express our own thoughts, and not follow the lead of others.

Unfortunately, not everyone is confident in themselves; many are dependent on other people's opinions. People join the majority, even if it goes against their own interests. But this is not the desire of an adult, but the result of education and imposition. For example, if parents buy things and toys for a child without asking him, or choose sections and extra classes without his participation, then he will never learn to express his opinion, but will be guided by the decisions of others.

Or the child is taught to surround himself with important and necessary people. Then he cannot go against it and will support the opinion of his authorities, even if deep down he does not agree with them. Constant reproaches from parents lead to the same result. Then the child gets it quite clearly in his head that he needs to listen to his mother and other people, then no one will scold him. A person moves into adulthood with the same principles in behavior.

How to identify your dependence on other people's opinions

If in the process of making a decision you ask yourself what others will say: relatives, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, then you are a dependent person. Dependence on other people's opinions can manifest itself in anything. You may refuse to go to the cinema because friends say the film is not interesting. You can buy not the dress you like, but the one your friends recommend you buy. You can order not tea with fruit in a cafe, but espresso, because everyone else chose it. But is this right?

Dependence on someone else's opinion can not only cause harm in the real moment, but also ruin your entire life. This is how people get jobs they hate, girls marry the man their parents chose, someone gives up hobbies because it is not fashionable or distracts from communication. But excluding pleasant moments from life just because other people want it, you will never find true happiness. Therefore, it is important to learn how to deal with addiction.

How to get rid of dependence on other people's opinions?

Understand that you cannot please everyone at once. First of all, it's impossible. And secondly, it will not improve your life. And on the contrary, it will make it more difficult.

Assess the future. Now they may not like your decision. But after some time, the situation may change dramatically and turn in your favor. The main thing is to believe in yourself.

Don't get hung up. Now you're worried that someone won't like your new hairstyle or clothes. But remember what your neighbor or colleague was wearing when you last saw her, how long was the store consultant’s hair, what color was your boss’s hairspray? Don't remember? So it doesn't matter. So why did you decide that others would judge you for a new style of clothing or an “unfashionable” manicure? While you are looking around at others, you may miss something important.

Make your own decisions. Friends will never tell you what is best for you to do. You know perfectly well what to wear when you leave home, where to study and work, and how to spend your free time. You don't have to attend a lot of events just because others want you to. It will be much easier to live if you do what you like.

Change your way of thinking. Instead of “I'm doing this because someone said so,” think “I'm doing this because I enjoy it and it will help change my life for the better.” Understand that the opinions of others improve the lives of others, not yours. And your fate depends solely on your own decisions.

Why waste your life worrying stupidly when you can enjoy every moment. Wear clothes that you like, watch movies that interest you. Experiment with images, don't be afraid to try new things. Let the rest of you live a boring life, and you will happily remember every minute when you didn’t think about what someone else would say.